


Jauffre with a Gun

by Kristina (bosmerhawke)



Category: Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion
Genre: haha is that a gun in your robes or are you just happy to see me...wait thats a gun
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 09:15:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9378140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bosmerhawke/pseuds/Kristina
Summary: Dagon's forces descend upon Tamriel, causing mass chaos and destruction. Only one man can stop them... Jauffre (NexusModded Version).





	

**Author's Note:**

> Holy Fuck Its The Gunch

A man had fallen at his feet, blood gushing from the wounds on his back, a gift from the Daedric mace being wielded by a madman running towards them. Jauffre quickly grabbed a dagger from in his thigh-high Khajiiti socks, and threw it at the enemy, aiming for the eyes, the only area unprotected. It pierced the attacker's left eye, and they screamed in high-pitched agony. He took the opportunity to dart forward, his old body still capable of the speeds he used to run in his youth. Grabbing out another dagger, he twisted himself so he could elbow the stuck dagger further in, while trying to find an other opening for the free one.

Ah, the other opening. The Booty.

Jauffre stabbed the dagger into the attacker's right ass cheek, which was somehow uncovered. That cheek was right out in the open, no magical armour to cover it. It was pale. and a bit saggy, and the flesh so soft it felt like the dagger was gliding into butter. He adjusted himself, and kicked the dagger in further to kick the unfortunate-assed person to the ground. Their armour disappeared, the person who attacked him was naked. The other ass-cheek seemed to be the most beautiful cheek around, especially compared to its ugly twin. There seemed to be no other enemies around.

He sighed a sigh that was a sigh of relief.

_'Thank Talos' ballsack this went well.'_ Jauffre thought to himself.

He was the Grandmaster of the Blades, living as a monk. As such, he did not feel the need to carry around a sword at all times. He was glad he remembered to put socks on in the morning, else he would of had to kick his way to victory. He loved his sexy Khajiiti socks more than anything. They were like normal socks, but with a little face and ears at the top, like a Khajiit. He thought for a moment if the race knew socks like this existed for people's fetishes, but banished it when he remembered the man who had fallen at his feet.

He moved _towards_ the man, who was still down. Feeling for a pulse, he realised he was dead. He turned him over, hoping to recognise a face. But he saw something else.

The Amulet of Kings was lying on the ground where the man was lying.

And a gun.

Now, he knew guns normally didn't exist in Nirn. But there were rumours of an 18th Daedric Prince manifesting, who's sphere was called NexusModding. A being said to be made of many, who could bring forth anything they desired into the world. As such, they brought in something called a gun. Jauffre remembered not knowing about guns until this moment, but also feeling as if though he had his entire life. Such was the nature of these miracles called by the 18th... or as they called them, 'mods'. He grabbed the gun, and quickly shoved it down his sock. He picked up the Amulet of Kings, and put it in his never-ending robe pocket. It could hold many without weight encumbrance, but he used it primarily for sneaking copies of 'The Lusty Argonian Maid' into the privy. For cleaning up with, of course. Or not...

He felt a surge of knowledge flow through him, and...

_"Marti- * **BURP*** Martin..."_ He whispered.

He knew what he must do.

He ran inside the Priory, kissed his body-pillow of Emperor Uriel Septim VII goodbye, and tapped on the glass of the screen, asking the person playing 'The Elder Scrolls IV - Oblivion' to console command some more ammo into his inventory. When that occurred. he walked outside, feeling like he had destiny pressed on him that wasn't supposed to be. But he didn't mind. He knew everything now, and what must be done.

Martin had to be rescued from Kvatch. Then, Mehrunes Dagon had to be stopped... by Jauffre's hand. A new ending was modded in so that Martin fangirls wouldn't cry anymore. Jauffre felt he had to live to their expectations.

Gun in hand, he set out for Kvatch.


End file.
